Saturday, May 21, 2011

Fashion Trends I Wish I Would Have Tried Before Rapture

As Rapture quickly approaches, now is the perfect time to contemplate one's life choices in order to make an educated guess over whether one will be headed to heaven or hell. During my own deep introspection, I couldn't help thinking of fashion trends I wish I could have tried before Rapture had to come and ruin everything. Literally. (Too soon?) Here are the top 3 trends I wish I would have tried before Rapture, as follows:

Prada's S/S 2011 Collection. The only obstacle standing between me and this trend was my fear of getting into debt, but what's credit card debt when your soul is forever indebted to the devil? Bonus: the fruit pieces channel the Garden of Eden, the birthplace of original sin, which is perfect for Judgment Day. Would wearing this get me bonus points from God?

Alexander McQueen

High, high heels, a la Lady Gaga. They look pretty painful, but that's nothing compared to eternal suffering.

Chanel's fur bodysuit. Unlike the heels, this outfit looks incredibly comfortable. Unfortunately, it will be hot as hell in...Hell, and this suit might be a bit too much.

Edit: Looks like I'll get the chance to try these out after all! Hooray for false the-world-is-going-to-end alarms!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Wide Leg Jeans

via WhoWhatWear

Okay. I understand it's the newest trend, and everyone wears them now, and they've supposedly bumped skinny jeans off of the jeans totem pole, etc etc. BUT, trendiness aside, does anyone else find them super unflattering? Skinny jeans were often blasted because they accentuated legs that weren't skinny, but wide leg jeans do the same thing-they hug the upper thighs very tightly, placing a huge (no pun intended?) emphasis on them, and then somehow manage to make the lower leg look like they're even larger around than the upper thigh.

via DeliciousDenim

Secondly, and maybe this is just my childhood, but I wore bell-bottom jeans exclusively during my awkward pre-teen years. This new trend serves as a reminder of all the fashion disasters (Remember dusters? Those long sweaters that tied in the middle? Imagine an almost floor-length duster paired with bell-bottoms. I looked like a 12 year old hobo.) I created with my bell-bottoms.

via JustJared

Thirdly, and perhaps most un-flatteringly, the jeans fit horribly around the middle. As in they create a FUPA. And a FUPA doesn't look good on anyone.